Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Yup, yup

This occurred to me the other day. Ain't testifying it's "truth" or anything; it just occurred to me...

OK. Yup, yup. This IS it.
Whatever that un-nameable, un-knowable creative thing is that "produces" experience has such a wider range, that no type of preparation, mind training, education, meditation, letting go, nothing in which "I" can participate will ever even remotely approach the scale and grandeur of the experience "provided" if "I" truly do nothing.
Spiritual practices primarily involve concentration, narrowing down the focus - one-pointedness and all that - and this creative whatever-it-is accommodates, you might say, whatever I train my mind to experience; I will be looking for that, and that is what I will find. My mind, by all its focusing and whatnot, guided the creative to produce that experience.
The focusing, the concentration narrows the range of awareness down so small that the space in my own little mind can appear to be the vastness of infinity. It may be thrilling and inspirational but it ain't infinity. It's an experience I came up with by training my mind...to have a particular experience. Then I have that experience. That's entirely do-able.
But nothing I can train myself to experience will ever amount to so much as a grain of sand; an actual grain of sand, which is what the creative impetus came up with while I was busy. Oh yeah, the entire fucking universe as well, which is the extent of my experience without doing anything. If I can manage that...doing nothing.
Effort, which works perfectly so I can do stuff, provisionally "reduces" my freedom(so to speak; I can't think of a better word), and  "nothing" has me right where I am right now, with the whole universe for...


8/21/2013




Not the Blue Moon, 6"x8" oil on canvas panel, 8/25/13

~

7 comments:

Brian Miller said...

its a rather profound thought...that effort robs us our freedom...i need to meditate on that one a bit...

A.Decker said...

Brian,

I didn't mean robs, as in takes away freedom utterly; more like, while I'm trying to do one particular thing, I'm not free to do anything else, the wide range of possibilities is excluded as long as I put forth effort on a particular narrow focus. To be free of effort reveals that wider range.
The solution to this dilemma may be something like Lao Tzu's wei wu wei, action without effort, but I haven't seen that for myself, just yet...

A.Decker said...

Damn. This is deep. And I'm insomniac so...

That last comment reads like gobbledegook to me and Lao Tzu is just something I read.

What I was trying to express in the post is that I finally saw for myself that freedom is absent of my effort. There's nothing I can willfully do to procure it. It's...it just is. The "I" who does the effort must somehow not participate.

I don't know. It's here, right now. I can "see" it, but words fail...

...and I keep hearing the word, "sleep"..."sleeeep"...

elisasspot said...

I LOVE this painting!

elisasspot said...

shit, not awake and so dizzy this morning I might fall off of the chair

I thought the painting and the bit above it, about focus, were two separate posts. Makes me giggle a bit about focus and seeing what I think I will see now. :D

I often wonder as each new fad comes into play. People assume the new fad is right and thus try to squish themselves into it, espousing everything that should be experienced as if God--or whatever higher power had come to chat personally. What a rather strange and perhaps dangerous high. (oooo how dare i say that) Anything to get us away from...us? stuff? Is seeing one thing over another wrong? I like thinking about the training part. I like doing it, just to see what I can see--or ignore!

A.Decker said...

Elisa,

First, Thank You! for loving the painting. I love that.

And B: You have a great attitude about all this. I too enjoy playing with training, just to see...

L. Ron Hubbard (Scientology) said once, I read, that the quickest way to get rich is to start your own religion. Maybe we could do that! Playology? What would be our credo? "Real? Not real? Play With It!" ;-)

A.Decker said...

Oh, and I hope you didn't fall off your chair this morning.